Vanessa+J

__Reality __  Chapter 1 – Certainty This is real. This is all too real. I drift back into reality, into the plane. I remember hearing a deafening crack… That couldn’t have been part of a hallucination… I gaze out the small, circular window into the quickly darkening evening. The sky is full of menacing, churning black clouds. I focus on my reflection, easily visible in the glass. Dark black hair and eyes contrast my translucent skin. My plain grey t-shirt stretches across my broad shoulders. I am stockier than most boys my age; this is one thing about myself I enjoy. Sighing, I slide the small container of pills back into my pocket and set the glass of water down beside me. I stare as it shakes violently, its contents jumping out onto my seat. //Must be more turbulence,// I tell myself. A small girl with flaming red hair slips quietly out of the pilot’s cabin, an unsettling look of triumph on her face. The light flickers on above my head, instructing me to put on my seatbelt. I silently obey. I wait, expecting to hear the pilot’s voice telling us it’s just turbulence. But suddenly I feel an incredible lurch, and my stomach jumps into my throat. We are plummeting towards the earth. If I had any possessions with me, I would try to hold on to them. People are screaming. I will myself to close my eyes, and not look out the window at the ground rushing steadily towards me. People are shrieking. Why won’t they just stay calm? I open my eyes just as the plane hits the water with a shattering boom. The screams cease. I feel coolness surround me like an uncomfortable wet blanket. I’m floating. Weightless. It’s peaceful, though. Dream-like… Dream…? No, this isn’t right. This is a dream, I know it. I’m not floating, I’m drowning! My lungs agree, they are screaming for air. With great effort, I force my eyes open. They sting terribly. I’m underwater, but I can see the surface, it’s drifting quietly upward. I don’t know how I got out of the plane, but when I look down, I see it sinking into the depths. Kicking hard, I force myself upward. My head breaks through the surface, and air rushes into my lungs once more. I tread water, gasping, pulling the precious oxygen into my lungs. After a moment I look around. I can see nothing, nothing but angry grey waves crashing around me. Flashes of lightning fill the darkening sky. Rolls of thunder fill my ears. I plunge my head under the water and open my eyes. Blurrily, I watch unmoving lifeless bodies floating deeper and deeper. I fight the urge to gag. Again I look up, over the waves. A girl is treading water not too far from me. Her shock of red curls is matted and wet. I recognize her as the same girl who exited she cabin before we went down. She had to have had something to do with the crash. I am considering swimming towards her when out of the corner of my eye; a yellow object blows across the surface in the harsh wind. It’s a life raft. I’m saved! Swimming as hard as I can, I finally grab on. Hauling myself out of the water, the wind stings like a cracking whip. I realize I am freezing cold, and shaking uncontrollably. I will myself to sit up, and look around once more from my new vantage point. “HELLO!” I shout hoarsely. “IS ANYONE OUT THERE?” The red haired girl is clawing her way toward me now. I see another person further away, another young girl, swimming quickly toward me. No one else breaks the choppy surface. Reality hits me like a sharp knife in the ribs. I’m stranded in the middle of the ocean. Dizzily, I slide back down into the yellow raft, and consciousness abruptly leaves me. <span style="display: block; font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-align: center;">* * * <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I’m running. Panic consumes me, it squeezes my chest tight. Why is it always running? It’s dark, and shadowy figures loom before me. It’s cold and wet everywhere. I run hysterically, but the figures get in my way. But I know what this is. //This isn’t real,// a voice tells me. I think it came from my head. With great effort, I pull myself from the dream and into reality once more. <span style="display: block; font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-align: center;">* * * <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I sit up. It’s no longer dark. The sun hovers just above the now smooth surface of the water. Sunrise. I look around. Three people join me in the raft. The red haired girl from before. She looks moody and uncomfortable. The other girl sits there looking oddly calm. She has medium brown hair and looks not much older than me. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“Who are you?” I ask abruptly. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">The red haired girl speaks. “I’m Ruby,” she says charmingly. But she looks menacing, regardless of her slight figure. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“My name is Alice!” The other girl says energetically. “I’m 18!” <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“Well, I’m Calvin,” I say bluntly. “I’m 16. I have schizophrenia. But I’m NOT crazy.” I try to look menacing. Ruby giggles. “Soo…” I draw the word out. “We were going to Stockholm, from New York. We were only a few hours into the flight. So we could basically be anywhere in the Atlantic or Arctic Ocean.” I shiver. Alice’s jaw drops. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“Look!” She shouts. “Land! An island!” Ruby and I turn. A small hunk of rock and trees juts out of the water. It has to be at least a mile away. I sigh, and slouch back down into the raft. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“Someone should start paddling,” I sigh. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Chapter 2 – Tug-of-War <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I try to open my eyes, but they are glued shut. Cold blood seeps slowly over my body, then pulls back, then seeps up again. I try to cry out, but I make no sound. My body is paralysed. Motionless. I take a deep breath, and the blood fills my mouth. Why is it so salty? //<span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Calvin. // <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Is that in my head? Where is the voice coming from? <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“Calvin!” Calvin!” <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">It’s louder now. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“CALVIN!” <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">That’s real. Real… I need to find my way back… But it’s so hard. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Crying out with the effort, I fall dizzily back into the real world. I blink my eyes open. I am lying on my back, half submerged in icy ocean water. Two girls stand over me, looking concerned. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“Calvin! What’s your problem? You were like, thrashing all over the place! Are you okay?” Alice twirls her hair around her finger nervously. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“I’m fine,” I say. My throat feels dry and rough. “When did we get here?” I look around. The island is even smaller now that I’m on it. I can see that it is an island; I can see for about 100 meters on either side of me before the beach curves out of view. I’m lying on coarse, gravelly sand at the water’s edge. The sand slopes upward to large rocks, and beyond that, there is nothing to see but heavy, dark forest. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“Just now,” Ruby replies. “And we’re not alone.” <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I turn scamper to my feet abruptly, and see an average, twenty-something year old man with chestnut brown hair and sharp features standing with a middle aged, scared-looking woman. She wore a water-logged tweed suit, and her greying hair was falling out of its now-loose bun. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“Hello Ruby,” the man said coldly. “I see you made it out ok. But don’t you always?” <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Now I was confused. “Do you two know each other?” I question. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“Andrew is my psychiatrist,” Ruby giggled. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“It’s MR. DEIFIC, Ruby. Yes, I’m Andrew Deific, and this is Vanita,” he said, gesturing to the woman. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“I’m Alice, and this is Calvin.” Alice stated. I nodded, not saying anything. I wish I had something to swallow my pills with. My throat burns, and my head spins. It’s getting harder and harder to hold onto the real world, and not slip into the realms of my mind… <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“Well, let’s get started then! What should we do first? Maybe let’s look for food and water, you know, scour the island,” Andrew says. He turns and trots off into the forest, Vanita, Alice, and Ruby following him. I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. //Focus, Calvin. This is serious. Just stay with it, you can do it.// I follow the rest into the ominous, foreboding unknown that was the forest. <span style="display: block; font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-align: center;">*//2 Days Later// * <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I sit up abruptly, knocking my head on the wooden logs of our rickety structure. I haven’t contributed much to camp life. Out here, on this unknown island, it’s harder than usual to distinguish between what’s real and what’s a figment of my brain. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Rubbing my eyes, I see that three people are sleeping peacefully beside me. I look out and see Vanita sitting alone, the silvery moonlight washing her skin ghostly pale. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Creeping silently, I steal out of the wooden shelter onto the mossy rock. The shelter is placed on the rocks between the beach and the forest. I can see the ocean. It is dark, thrashing, turbulent. The wind whips my unwashed hair into my face, and I shiver. I look back at Vanita, but she is no longer there. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Instead, I see my father walking toward the forest. He wears the same beat up blue dress shirt that he always does. His silver hair shines in the moon’s light. What is he doing here? Something inside me says this isn’t right, that he couldn’t be here, but the feeling is pressed down by rage. Hatred boils up in my chest at the sight of my father. I want to scream, lash out at him for sending me on the plane, to this island. For his disgust with me, for what I can’t control. But I don’t make any noise. I follow him quietly into the gloom of the trees. He doesn’t notice me. I smile cruelly. It is time to get my revenge for all he has done to me. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">He sinks down onto a fallen log and puts his chin in his hands. His back is towards me. Now is my chance. I creep toward him, silent as a mouse. I stand behind him waiting. My eyes gleam, full of maliciousness. His back prickles, sensing me. It’s too late. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I wrap my strong hands around his throat, squeezing tight. He thrashes and flails, but I have the advantage. I hear gasps and chokes, desperate attempts for air. I squeeze tighter. One final wheeze, then no more. I let go suddenly, a flash of remorse tightening my chest. I lean in to find his pulse. It is not there. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I straighten up and look down at his corpse once more. But my dad isn’t there. It is Vanita. She lies with her eyes wide with fear, her grey hair strewn about on the ground. I stifle a scream. This was never my dad. I have killed Vanita. //Now what!?// I think. //Do I tell the others? Do I hide her body?// I turn away, and a sob rips through my chest. I have to tell them. They’ll understand… <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I drag her limp, lifeless body back to the camp. Streaks of yellow and pink cross the sky; dawn is breaking. “Guys,” I croak. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“What is –,” Andrew’s eyes widen with horror at the sight of Vanita. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Ruby and Alice emerge, bleary eyed, also shocked when they see her laying there, dead. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“I – I – It… was an accident –,” I can speak no more. Sobs rack my body. I reach a shaky hand into my pocket and pull out the small container of pills. I swallow them dry, ignoring the water Ruby offers me in the crude, handmade bottle. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“It’s okay,” Andrew says, reaching toward me. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I shrug him off, and crawl back into the shelter alone. <span style="display: block; font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-align: center;">* * * //<span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I must have fallen asleep, //<span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> I think. I hear shouts, and look up to see Andrew and Ruby in what seems to be a heated argument. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Quick as a flash, Ruby turns and flees into the forest. Andrew sighs and sits down, his back to me. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Moving quickly, I climb from the cabin and follow her into the obfuscous forest.

<span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Chapter 3 – Endings <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Peering around the trees, I can just make out Ruby’s flaming red hair disappearing into the now darkening forest. I’ve been following her for weeks. She isn’t very deep into the forest, but no one else looks for her. She stays in a little cave by herself with a small fire, stolen from our camp. There are chickens on the island. At least I think so. Ever since I ran out of the pills that lessen my schizophrenia, it feels like every aspect of waking and sleeping is covered by a foggy haze, blurring reality and dreams into one relentless blur. But I’m nearly certain the chickens are real; I see them often, unlike the visions of my head, which leave after a while. Ruby kills the chickens and eats them. I have watched her do it. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">But I haven’t told the others, Alice and Andrew. They won’t believe me. Ever since my medicine ran out, they treat me like a child, regarding anything I say as untrue. I don’t talk to them much anymore. I do my duties silently around camp and keep to myself, watching Ruby in the forest. No one questions me. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I turn and walk back toward the camp. I can see the expanse of cold, gray water between the sturdy trees. Sitting across from Andrew in front of the fire, I take a slow swig from the crude water flask, though I am not thirsty. I am never hungry or thirsty anymore. It’s like I’ve lost the ability to feel anything. This island is truly sucking the life out of me. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">At this moment, Alice bursts into the tiny camp. She came from the forest, but not in the direction of Ruby. She is panting, and looks excited. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“Hey! Andrew! Calvin! You’ve gotta come here! I found a cabin! An abandoned cabin!” <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Andrew stood up quickly. “Well, show us then!” <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">We follow her deep into the nearly black forest. The sun has just dipped down beyond the edge of the ocean. Soon, a small, square cabin looms before us. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Once closer, I can see this cabin is very old; it is a wonder the rotten wood had not yet collapsed. There is one square window, and any glass that once f <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 1.5;">illed it is long gone. Beside the window leans a crooked wooden door, attached by only one hinge. //<span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Who would build a cabin out here? Does this mean there is a mainland nearby? // <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I step through the doorway, into the cramped cabin. There is only one room, and nothing inside. Bare. Empty. Sighing, I turn back to the others. “It’s just one empty room,” I murmur. “Should we set up camp here? Or stay near the water?” <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">“Well...” Andrew muttered. “We could stay here for one night; see if it’s a better shelter than our camp. Is everyone okay with that?” We all nod. “Well then. Alice, can you go gather wood for a fire? And Calvin, you can go back to our camp and start to gather anything we will need for tonight. I’ll stay here and, um, check the place out.” He nodded, then stepped into the dank cabin and out of sight. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Alice hurried into the forest in search of dry wood. I began to walk in the direction of our original camp, when I saw a familiar flash of brilliant red out of the corner of my eye. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Following my instinct, I ducked behind a leafy bush, and watched as Ruby crept silently through the doorway. For a moment, I contemplated leaving. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Then I heard voices. Raised voices. Ruby and Andrew were arguing. This was normal... But the fact that Andrew was screaming back was not. He was usually the voice of reason, calm and collected. The screams of rage continued, while I tried to decide what to do. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">The forest tilts and swirls before my eyes. Children step out from behind the bushes and start to play. I sigh, forcing my eyes shut. This is from my mind. I know it. //Let me think!!!// I tell myself. //How am I supposed to escape my own mind?// When I open my eyes, the children are gone. The forest is still. Andrew and Ruby argue ferociously inside the cabin. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">But I see another figure now. It is Alice, creeping along the side of the cabin. She carries a long stick that is burning with orange flame at one end. //Is this real?// I ask myself. It seems to make sense; Alice had gone to get firewood...  <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I stare at Alice. She is grinning maliciously, staring at the flaming torch. She giggles, throwing the torch down suddenly on the exposed wooden foundation of the cabin. The rotting wood quickly erupts into flames. I watch, paralysed, as Alice grins once more before skipping off into the forest. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Ruby and Andrew stumble out of the now-engulfed building, craning their necks in hopes of finding the culprit. I duck lower behind the bush. They run off in opposite directions, but neither into the path of Alice or my crouching figure. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">As soon as the two are out of sight, I stand up, hurrying off in the direction of Alice. It’s not long before I see a small figure skipping along ahead of me. But it is not Alice. It is a little girl. I have no time for this child. //I need to find Alice! I need to find out why she just burned down our shelter!// <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Running faster now, I catch up to the young girl. She’s blocking my path; I pick her up and throw her out of my way as if she is but a rag doll. I hear a strangled cry escape her lips as her small body contacts a tree, and a thump as she hits the ground. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I sprint on without ceasing, but I can’t find Alice. //Maybe she went to the camp,// I thought, and double back the way I came, now at a slow jog. After some time, I see a crumpled figure at the base of the tree. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Gasping, I stop abruptly. //Alice? What happened to her?// Running to her side, I flip her broken, cold body face up. Her neck is limp, hanging down at an unnatural angle. I feel for a pulse. There is none. I lay her body down. How did this happen? Who could have killed her? She the closest thing I had to a friend on this deserted island. She was so small, so defenceless, like a child...  <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">With a gasp, I remembered. //IT WAS ME! I KILLED HER! THAT WAS NEVER A LITTLE GIRL!// <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I hate myself. I hate my mind, for the tricks it plays on me. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I lie there, her cold body in my arms, and let the sobs escape me without holding back. Two innocent lives. That’s how many I’ve taken. //I can’t live like this anymore. Someone else is going to get hurt at my expense.// With this realization, I stand up, and place Alice’s pale body on the ground. I turn and begin walking toward the cliffs I know lay on the east side of the mountain. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">It seems like a longer walk than usual. I reach the jagged black cliff as dawn is breaking over the calm, smooth ocean. I creep carefully toward the edge. Looking down, I see pointed black rocks, and the surf breaking up around them. //This is for my own good. For everyone’s good.// <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Looking across the horizon, I see the hot yellow sun quivering above the pale blue waves. The sky is pink and gold and pale blue, with no clouds. Today will have been beautiful, and peaceful. I close my eyes one last time and inhale deeply, clearing my mind of all thoughts. I jump. <span style="font-family: Kalinga,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 0px; overflow: hidden;">